The Peking Order

A cheesy interview with Angry Editor

2010-02-03T20:11:00.003+08:00

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Angry Editor, My obsessive Chinese alter-ego, was interviewed by my company's internal magazine. This may go some way toward explaining what all those strange Chinese tweets and Facebook updates have been about.

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“I’m English. I’m an editor at one of the world’s leading PR agencies. I’ve had enough!” This is how Jeremy Webb introduces himself on his Chinese-language website, Angry Editor. The Buzz asked him a few questions about this increasingly popular blog.

What is Angry Editor?

Angry Editor deals with the mistakes and style issues I frequently encounter as an editor of written English in China. Previously, when I explained my edits face-to-face, my colleagues would be surprised that they had been making a certain mistake and extremely grateful that I had pointed it out. My blog is simply an extension of these conversations.

Why “angry”?

Writing posts in an “angry” tone hopefully makes an otherwise dry, academic subject more memorable and interesting to read. Of course, anyone who is in any way involved with writing will have developed a few pet hates. While these might wind me up a little, I never actually get angry.

Has Angry Editor offended anyone yet?

No, I don’t see how it could. Angry Editor does not single out actual examples, and I have never explicitly mentioned Ogilvy, let alone individual colleagues.

Aren’t some issues simply a matter of personal writing style?

Of course. And so not all “Angry Edits” correct mistakes, as such. For example, the use of “to join hands” when describing cooperation between two companies might be perfectly acceptable to some people; to me, it is a cliché. When dealing with the aesthetics of language, I make it clear that such edits are based on my personal opinion and are therefore fully open to debate.

What has been the most debated Angry Edit?

There were over 200 comments – many in disagreement – on an impassioned case I made against the abbreviation “etc.” when used in conjunction with the expression “including.” Such online debate is beneficial for everyone, including me.

Are you qualified to correct people’s English?

I have done a fair amount of English writing, editing and translation. But more importantly, I am fascinated with how language works. What I don’t know, therefore, I will go to great lengths to figure out.

What has been the biggest challenge with Angry Editor?

Writing regularly in my second language has not been easy, especially as readers show little mercy to my less-than-perfect Chinese. This is hardly unsurprising, and I imagine people thinking, “What right does this guy have to correct us if his Chinese is not perfect?”

Don’t they have a point?

My Chinese will never be as good as my English, and I am sure people understand that. At the same time, I am very careful to make sure that my articles make perfect sense and are easy to follow. I sometimes also ask Chinese friends to proofread.

What is the next stage?

I am currently trying to write a book. One day, I would also like to deal with PowerPoint design issues that drive me crazy, and even use podcasts as a way of correcting common mistakes in spoken English.

Visit Angry Editor at http://www.angryeditor.com or http://blog.sina.com.cn/angryeditor.

China Viral Video: Thailand brings another challenger

2010-01-21T18:22:00.004+08:00

This online ad for Chinese car maker Chery has been viewed 2,782,911 times on Youku and has received 843 comments since it was uploaded on January 9th. This is, therefore, a very significant viral video in China.

Embedded link doesn't work? Try clicking here.

A reference to a recent challenge made against Chinese kungfu by Thai boxers, the car featured in the ad defeats the foreign challenger before kungfu even has a chance.

According to Youku Buzz, which has also written about this “banal” clip, this was Youku’s most-viewed video last week. At the time of writing my post, there were twice as many thumbs up as there were thumbs down.

Despite this apparant support, the comments, which began overwhelmingly positive, end up being almost exclusively negative.

I think there are much more sophisticated ways of appealing to nationalism than this. This ad has none of the things I think make a good viral: it doesn’t make me laugh, it doesn’t evoke any emotion, and it doesn’t teach me anything.

Kudos is due, however, for getting the ad out in time to resonate with the recent martial arts showdown. This is the only legitimate reason I can think of why it has had so much positive attention.

One recent comment suggests another theory, “The people that gave this a thumbs up were employed by the company…”

China Viral Video - Where the hell in Guangzhou is Matt?

2010-01-08T01:26:00.004+08:00

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Below is a post I wrote a couple of weeks ago for Ogilvy Asia Digital Map:

“Foreigner lights up Guangzhou by dancing like a weirdo,” (老外搞怪舞功燃烧广州), appeared a couple of weeks ago on Chinese video-sharing site Youku. At the time of writing, the clip had been viewed 648,791 times.

The dancer, who is probably not called Matt, is dancing in Guangzhou, host of the upcoming Asian Games. The annoying catchy soundtrack tells viewers to put up their hands and cheer for Asia.

Look familiar?

It may remind some of another viral video phenomenon, “Where the Hell is Matt”, which also starred a white man dancing stupidly in various locations:

Although nobody appears to be claiming credit for the Guangzhou clip, it was probably commercially produced, most likely by an official body linked to the Games or by Jianlibao (健力宝), the beverage brand that appears toward the end of the clip.

Many of the people who have left comments are similarly suspicious, while many others appear to be genuinely impressed and moved.

A couple of the clip’s viewers also point out the similarity with Matt’s video, calling it a “rip-off Where the Hell is Matt.”

Stingy characters – are Chinese microblogs more generous than Twitter?

2009-12-16T21:04:00.004+08:00

Yes, another Ogilvy blog. View the original, complete with cheesy bio, here.

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Chinese microblog platforms have one major thing in common with Twitter, they limit updates to 140 characters. However, since a Chinese character generally conveys much more meaning than a single letter of the Roman alphabet, a Chinese microblog update can say a lot more than one in English.

As a very rough guide, four Chinese characters (新浪微博) are used to describe one of China’s leading microblog platforms, while fourteen characters are needed to write its English translation, Sina Microblog.

Similarly, 推特 - the Chinese for Twitter, does in two characters what English does in seven.

In addition, Chinese sentences do not need any spaces to make sense, even after punctuation marks.

Admittedly, posts on Chinese microblogs are often a mixture of English words and Chinese; and the online cultures of China and the English-language speaking world abbreviate in different ways.

However, despite these qualifying factors, by offering the same 140-character limit, microblogs are being much less stingy to Chinese writers than people updating in English.

So, a company or an individual can say a lot more. And quite often, they do just that. First, look at this fairly typical Twitter update from microblog aficionados, Dell (@DellOutlet):

Below is another update, also from Dell (@delldirect), on Chinese “twitter-like” site, Zuosa.com:

In just 114 characters, this Dell microblogger had managed to say the following:

Dell’s National Day Sale will run from Sept 11 to Oct 8. To celebrate the 60^th anniversary w. the motherland, Dell Home Computers is offering 6 cool gifts & deals on 10 computer models. These exciting offers will run non-stop for 4 weeks. Also, get a free upgrade to color casing & a 512MB independent graphics card, as well as other service upgrades. All offers are on a first-come-first-serve basis. What R U waiting 4? Act now!

It doesn’t look so “micro” now, does it? By using only part of their allowance, Dell managed to say the equivalent of 430 English-language characters.

When it comes to microblogs, I am less likely to read long updates; fat blocks of characters – English or Chinese – put me off.

Of course, not everyone is as lazy as me. However, companies should think about whether they should take advantage of these slightly less “micro” opportunities by writing longer updates. Personally, I think they shouldn’t. In this case, less is definitely more.

Blogilvy: China’s first government microblog feed

2009-12-07T21:16:00.003+08:00

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Below is a more serious entry. It is related to my job at Ogilvy PR. Until I convince anyone at work to let me get properly involved in a real social media campaign, blogging for them will have to suffice.

Here is the original link: http://www.asiadigitalmap.com/2009/12/yunnanmicroblog/

For those that can be bothered to read on, you will notice a conspicuous lack of wordplay. I am shy. Puns will have to wait.

On November 21, the southwestern province of Yunnan launched China’s first official government microblog feed.

Among the first entries, which are published on the “Twitter-like” Sina microblog platform (新浪微博), was a post about a recent protest in the city of Kunming. The 130-Chinese-character response to the incident was rapid and relatively open.

Since its first post two weeks ago, the Yunnan government has updated its microblog 27 times, using the service to make various announcements, from manufacturing safety records to a drinking song competition in the province. At the time of writing, “Yunnan Microblog” (@云南微博) had 13,087 followers.

Governments use microblogging platforms to achieve various goals. A good microblog, for example, can allow governments to present a more “human” face. Yunnan Microblog, however, is currently little more than a news feed. Posts are written by “Yunnan,” rather than a person with a real name; and, with a couple of exceptions, the language used is dry and official sounding.

Governments can also use microblogs to monitor public sentiment. One of the ways Sina’s microblogging platform is different from Twitter is that it allows comments under each post. The Kunming protest entry, for example, received 41 comments. However, since Chinese social media platforms engage in self-censorship, Sina Microblog is unlikely to provide opportunities to speak out against government. As one person joked, “No comment… too afraid.”

This same feature could also have been used to create more interactive dialogue between netizens and the government. Yunnan Microblog, however, is yet use the platform to respond to any of its comments.

While conservative use of the platform, combined with China’s Internet restrictions, may limit the platform’s potential for meaningful engagement, Yunnan is certain to benefit in some way from this involvement in the online conversation. The provincial government and the public have a new direct link to one another. This, at the very least, is a step in the right direction.

German man killed in hijacked Beijing taxi

2009-11-08T13:44:00.004+08:00

At around 05:00 this morning, police found a 21-year-old German man dead in a Beijing taxi. The car had hit a tree beside Beijing’s East Fourth Ring Road, between Siyuan Bridge and Xiaoyun Bridge. A woman lay injured on the backseat.

Approximately one hour after police discovered the vehicle, the taxi’s driver appeared on the scene, claiming that the foreign man had stolen the car.

According to the driver, the woman hailed the taxi near Lido Hotel at around 04:00, asking to be taken to Baiziwan. Before the driver set off, a man suddenly began banging on the car door. After dragging the driver out of the car, the man drove off with the woman in the backseat.

“I had no idea what was going on,” said the driver.

The woman is currently recovering in a Beijing hospital, and according to doctors, is not in a critical state.

Because the incident took place in a remote area, there were no witnesses. Police are investigating the matter.

The above is based on an article today’s Beijing News that I found reposted online:

http://fzwb.ynet.com/article.jsp?oid=57544885 (Chinese).

Social media in China - Sina Twitter & Douban

2009-10-06T12:04:00.017+08:00

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Due to the "technical difficulties" of living in China, The Peking Order has not been updated for quite some time. Apologies for that, it should be OK for a while now.

In the meantime, a combination of boredom, frustration and professional interest has driven me to Chinese social media equivalents of foreign sites that are inaccessible within China. The two that I have found most interesting so far are Sina Twitter and Douban.

1. Sina Twitter (Chinese: 新浪微博; Xīnlàng wēibó)

Following a purge of Chinese "Twitter clones" that took place earlier this year, Chinese internet giant Sina has recently brought out its very own micro-blogging service, Sina Twitter.

Although no official English name is clearly displayed on the site itself, in the official bilingual email that invites users to the site, the site is referred to as "Sina Twitter". The Chinese name translates directly as "Sina Microblog" (Perhaps Biz Stone et al. would be happier with that translation?!).

Sina's Twitter is very similar Twitter's Twitter. Apart from the fact that you don't need a VPN to access it in China and that functions have been given Chinese names, there are a few notable differences.

At the moment, there seems to be no desktop app like Tweetdeck or Twhirl that can be used with Sina Twitter. "Tweets" must be made either at the website or via text message, which is free of charge for China Mobile and China Unicom users.

The other main difference I have noticed is the amount of celebrities that already use this site. Most famous users are film or pop stars, but currently with the most number of followers (51,193 at the time of writing) is Lee Kai-fu, the former head of Google China.

Identical to Twitter, each post must be no longer than 140 characters. However, since a single Chinese character can represent entire words or concepts, a single tweet can convey far more than an English-language Twitter post.

For more detail, read Steven Milward's report on CNet.

To keep up-to-date on what I am doing, follow my very own Sina Twitter feed at http://t.sina.com.cn/angryeditor.

Please note: Still in the beta phase, Sina Twitter can only be used on an invite-only basis. For an invite, please let me know in the comments below.

2. Douban.com (Chinese: 豆瓣; Dòubàn)

Established in 2005, Douban is social network that, in some ways, is identical to Facebook: Users maintain a profile with basic information, add friends and post messages on the profile pages of other users.

Douban distinguishes itself from Facebook by focusing more on users' interests, with discussion groups and fan pages of bands, brand names and celebrities etc. On their personal pages, users can list books they have read, the music they have listened to and the films they have watched. Based on these interactions, people add can friends based on common interests. Unlike Facebook, therefore, a large amount of a user's friends are often people that they do not necessarily have a "real-world" relationship with.

According to an article on Danwei.org, which includes an interview with the founder, the website has dominated the online cultural scene for the last four years."

And according to a Chinese friend, Douban is predominantly used by 文青. She describes this group as "hipsters", or "young people interested in cultural phenomena". I would go for something like "young, educated, artsy types".

My Douban profile can be found at: http://www.douban.com/people/11610289/.

When I have time, I may write more about these Chinese sites. To be updated, please subscribe to The Peking Order RSS Feed (see sidebar).

"To the foreigners" - A notice from the local police

2009-09-21T20:04:00.003+08:00

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The following appeared outside my door earlier this evening:

To the foreigners:

October 1st, 2009 is the 60th anniversary of founding the People's Republic of China, Celebrations and Eve Gala Evenings will be held accordingly. The close down and cordon off area will include the area that you live in curtain period. For the smooth going of your daily life, we take pleasure in announcing the following issues:

Please reduce your going out as possibly as you can. While having to go out, please definitely take your passport and the temporary accommodation register form.
You had better refuse the visitors who possibly cannot arrive at your abode.
Please save certain of living necessity, then the peripheral store won't can provide convenience.
Please obey the policeman's direction and control. Your co-operations are most appreciated.
Please pay attention to the government's announcement about traffic control, and work well your route of travel arrangement in advance.

Dong Cheng District Public Security Bureau wish you having a happy life in our magistracy!

Dong Cheng District Public Security Bureau
September 4, 2009

Vintage Beij 3: Chinese girls for US soldiers

2009-09-16T20:27:00.011+08:00

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By popular demand, more of the Pocket Guide to China - a introduction to China for US soldiers in 1943.

An edited version of the Guide, which has had the lovable wartime racism of my earlier post removed, can be read here at the Internet Archive.

Perhaps the highlight for me was the booklet's timeless advice on Chinese girls:

THE modern Chinese girl, in her long, closely fitting gown, her bare arms and short hair, is often very pretty. Yet it is well to remember that in China the attitude toward women is different from ours in America. Chinese women in some ways are more free than they are here in America — that is, they do some things which American women don't yet do. They are in the Army, they fight side by side with the guerrillas. But in their relations with men they haven't the same freedom as women have in America.
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There are Chinese girls in cabarets and places of amusement who may be used to free and easy ways. But the average Chinese girl will be insulted If you touch her, or will take you more seriously than you probably want to be taken. A mistake in this may cause a lot of trouble.

Bald Grass Mud Horses - 草泥光头马

2009-09-13T14:28:00.015+08:00

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The grass mud horse - cao ni ma (草泥马) - is a popular Chinese Internet phrase used as symbolic defiance of Internet censorship in China. The Chinese words for "grass mud horse" sound very similar to the common profanity 肏你妈. which translates as "fuck your mother".

Videos, cartoons and merchandise of this mythical animal, which resembles the alpaca, have been widely circulating online since early last year. However, it was only recently that I received these photographs of my family farm's very own grass mud horses looking quite unlike the bushy creatures that attempt to subjugate the Chinese government's attempts at control.
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Since the grass mud horse, or cao ni ma, is used as defiance of censorship in China, I wonder if there is any different hidden agenda of Brickfield Farm's very own Bald Grass Mud Horses, or cao ni guangtou ma (草泥光头马)?

On the Webb: How to spot a jap

2009-09-08T21:59:00.007+08:00

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How does one "tell the difference between the Japs and our oriental allies?"

Well, I had no idea before I read the handy Pocket Guide to China - a 72-page booklet distributed to US soldiers during their stay in China during World War Two [Click images to enlarge]:

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Read a recent post on the Institute of East Asiatic Venomology for Chinese translations.

Chocolate girl – racism and reality TV in China

2009-09-01T21:56:00.013+08:00

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Meet Lou Jing (娄婧), a mixed-race Chinese girl who is tormented in the following clip by presenters of the show Let’s Go! Oriental Angels (加油！东方天使). The contest, in which Lou Jing got to the final rounds of the Shanghai heat, has been running throughout August on Dragon TV. For those that need don't know Chinese, or who can't see the clip, a rough translation follows.

The patronising female presenter begins by asking: “Lou Jing, so you’re mixed race, how come your Chinese is so good?”

This is not the first time Lou Jing has been asked this irritating question. Un-phased, she replies: “My mum is Shanghainese, and I grew up in Shanghai.”

The questioning continues, “And your father is…”

Amid nervous laughter, Lou Jing slips in that her father is American.

However, presenter number two doesn’t let her get off the hook that easily. “Right up until Lou Jing was 16, she thought her father was Shanghainese… Ro

ll the clip!”

Next, cue the harrowing music. “20-year-old Lou Jing was born into a single-parent family. Her father was a black man of American nationality, who didn’t know he had made Lou Jing’s mother pregnant... He left Lou Jing’s mother and returned to the US... Lou Jing’s mother had no choice but to raise her daughter alone…”

Following what is edited as a horrific news item, two presenters go on to ask her whether she ever wanted to know more about her father. After all sorts of nonsense, the presenters really manage to bring on the waterworks by suggesting that “Daddy could be in some corner of the world listening to you now...”

Personally, I would have been upset enough about the way the show was put together. However, for Lou Jing, who became lovingly (?) refered to as “chocolate girl,” and her mother, things were about to get a lot worse as Chinese netizens sunk their teeth in.

Most of the attacks are aimed at the mother, who according to one netizen is a “whore” for messing around with a black guy. China Hush, where I originally found this story, has translated number of comments and opinion (read commentary translations here).

This is a touching story. One that might have been touching enough to constitute the first half of a Disney movie plot, if only her voice had been a bit easier to listen to. If you can bear it, listen below to more of chocolate girl.

On the Webb: Tatt’s China for ya!

2009-08-17T21:35:00.005+08:00

An recent article in The Sun about some “fishy” goings on in China reveals that lasers are being used to “etch images on the scales of parrot fish.”

Have I got tattoos for you!

The report implies that this is a new “craze,” claiming that this bizarre practice began recently in the Chinese city of Chengdu.

However, at least a couple of The Peking Order readers will disagree; some friends and I once saw these interesting “characters” in markets in the southern province of Yunnan, as far back as 2006.

While this report will come as no surprise to my travelling companions, The Sun goes some way towards explaining how those characters came to be on the fish, a question that has been troubling my friends and I for years. According to the article, “Fish are placed in special tattooing machines and emerge the other end with images permanently engraved on their skin.”

The report quotes a pet shop owner as saying that "The machine is quite choosy about which fish it can cope with. Most of the fish tattooed are parrot fish, since they have a high survival rate."

Sick as a parrot fish?

The article goes on to quote a marine expert who condemns the practise, saying: "It is cruel and unnatural. For every one that survives, there are dozens that die in laser accidents."

On the Webb: Debunking the MSG myth

2009-08-13T19:56:00.010+08:00

In an article on the Guardian website yesterday, Jeremy Goldkorn states what I suspected all along: MSG is nothing to worry about.

The story is based on various articles and academic studies, which all agree that the food additive MSG (monosodium glutamate) in normal concentrations has no effect on the overwhelming majority of people.

The article also mentions a couple of things I did not know:

“Chefs who don't use glutamate crystals use soy sauce in most recipes, and soy sauce tastes good precisely because it's chock full of glutamates.”
One quoted article featured a random test where an “MSG complainer” was secretely fed a meal full of the additive. He did not complain, because he did not know he was eating it.
Parmasan, Marmite and seaweed is also packed full of glutamates.

I never believed "MSG complainers" - not one of them had ever told me exactly what the stuff is, what it does to you, or even what it tastes like.

China, cheesier than ever...

2009-08-10T20:49:00.007+08:00

As an ex-cheesemaker, I was excited to hear about Le Fromager du Pekin, which, according to a Daily Telegraph article, is Beijing's first French-style Chinese cheese manufacturer.

Say Cheese...

Liu Yang learned his craft in France while studying management. After befriending a shepherd who taught him how to make goat's cheese in Corsica, he enrolled at the local agricultural school. "All the people studying with me came from cheese-making families and they were all French. I was the only foreigner and I couldn't make cheese," he is quoted as saying.

On his return to China, he set up shop, importing equipment from France and asking a local engineer to make him a cheese-making vat. Mr Liu makes blue cheeses and a Camembert with the slightly disappointing name, "Beijing Grey."

Having thought hard about Chinese cheese names suitable for The Peking Order, I came up with a controversial mild Dutch cheese made on the Yangtze River, the “Three Gorges Edam.”

Another suggestion for Mr Liu is a tribute to China’s first emperor and his mausoleum in Xi’an, the “TerRICOTTA Warrior.”

Over 1,000 websites feature “problem maps”

2009-08-05T08:50:00.005+08:00

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According to an article in today’s Beijing News, as part of a recent drive to correct “geographical information,” authorities in Beijing have found that over 1,000 websites contain maps with “bits left out” or “incorrect bits.”

Approximately 10,000 websites were reviewed, including large Chinese sites like Sina and Netease. Most of the 1,000 problem websites were identified because of irregularities relating to Chinese territory.

The article goes only some way to clarify the vague terms used, saying that in some cases, Chinese territory, including the disputed Diaoyu Islands and Taiwan, had been marked as being outside of China. In other cases, “state secrets” had been divulged.

Various departments, including the Beijing planning authority and the Ministry of Commerce, will form a joint taskforce to audit the sites. According to a government official quoted by the newspaper, websites will be dealt with according to nature of the irregularities., with the most serious violators being shut down.

Beij 3: MOKOnut

2009-07-29T21:55:00.018+08:00

The Peking Order is committed to seeking out exciting phenomena in China, especially when those exciting media phenomena involve half-naked women. This week, Beij 3 features MOKO.cc – an extremely popular Chinese social network that appeals both to the narcissism of women in China and the lust of humans, well... everywhere.

The premise is simple, just like Myspace or Facebook, members have a personal profile that allows them to list basic information and upload photos. So that members can be spotted and make network connections, they can be listed under various titles, i.e. Actor, Still Model, Car Show Girl, Producer, etc.

However, the reasons that MOKO looks so good are also the things that make it different from other social network sites:

1. There is a selective registration process. According to the site, only 10 percent of applicants get through the initial screening. What it is not mentioned are the criteria are used to choose members. Although it could be that the unlucky 90 percent did not fill out their form correctly, a quick look at member profiles (a "quick look" will be impossible for many) would suggest it has a lot to do with looks.

2. The site has an offline presence. MOKO has a number of successful partnerships with magazines like Maxim and FHM, as well as Beijing nightspots, like LAN Club, which hosts regular MOKO parties.

3. MOKO makes photos look good. Once a member, people can apply to be a MOKO Top Girl (or a MOKO Top Man). Once accepted, members are invited for an interview and a photo shoot, all free of charge. The photos taken at the shoot are the photos you see all over the site. If you wonder why the some of the girls look too good to be true, they probably are - MOKO boasts that it photoshops the photos, also free of charge.

4. There is a voting system. The votes of unregistered viewers are worth one point, the votes of members are worth five. Meet Zhang Yinghan, who currently leads the MOKO Top Girl ranking with 164,802 votes:

On the Webb: Blackie's KONGKAST

2009-07-27T22:15:00.006+08:00

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Kongkretebass have been organizing and promoting drum & bass events in Hong Kong since early 2006. In addition to regular events, this HK crew produce the KONGKAST podcast, which, with several thousand listeners every month, features guest mixes from DJs and producers around the globe.

Released yesterday, the 94th KONGKAST stars life-long friend of The Peking Order, DJ Blackie. This is how Beijing's very own D&B superstar is introduced on the website:

Since his arrival in China back in 2004, Dj Blackie has swiftly connected with Beijing’s electronic music scene and become a celebrated dance floor killa, known for his driving dnb sets. Apart from performing for his crew The Syndicate, Blackie is also regularly seen in the spotlight alongside uber-respected promoters ‘02culture’ at the popular Yen parties.

Download Blackie's KONGKAST here!

Nanluo nail house?

2009-07-26T20:07:00.009+08:00

The Beijing News followed up today with further reporting on the construction at Nanluoguxiang. While the main article claims that evictions are going smoothly, a brief side story talks about a family who are unlucky enough to live in a gongfang (公房）- a type of public property - within the demolition area. Below is a direct translation:

To the north of Di'anmen Dongdajie and to the east of Nanluoguxiang, blue construction barriers obscure a single gateway. Most of the buildings behind this have already been demolished. However, further into the courtyard, standing among rubble, a single home remains. Both telephone and TV have been disconnected.

After letting us in to her home, Mrs Fu explains why she has not moved out: "No agreement has been reached over compensation."

Along with her family of three, Mrs Fu has lived in this home - a 30-square-meter gongfang - for the last 20 years.

"We have had several discussions with the demolition company, who, after initially promising compensation, went back on their word. We have still not signed any contract." While Mrs Fu refused to reveal the exact amount that she is asking for, she told us that she is hoping for enough money to be able to buy a three-bedroom property within Beijing's third ring road.

A potential nail house (钉子户), right on my doorstep?

“Knock-down” prices in Nanluoguxiang

2009-07-25T20:28:00.012+08:00

Authorities deny that astronomic amounts of compensation are being given to those currently being evicted from Nanluoguxiang, according to an article in today’s Beijing News.

Behind the blue construction barriers that obscure much of the south end of Nanluoguxiang – a traditional Chinese alley filled with small shops, bars and hostels – much of the picturesque architecture has already been flattened. Shops and bars within the demolition area are currently offering discounts and promotions, with a sign seen yesterday offering drinkers “one last night of craziness.”

According to authorities, buildings are being pulled down to make way for the construction of a new subway station. Due to be completed in 2012, the development is part of the planned extension of Line 8, which will connect the National Art Museum in the south and Huoying (Line 13) in the north.

The Beijing News article is a response to earlier reports and rumours that suggest that occupants of buildings earmarked for demolition were to receive as much as 300,000 yuan per square meter in compensation (average property prices in Dongcheng District are around 10,000 yuan per square meter).

“Compensation above 100,000 yuan per square meter?” said a spokesperson for the planning department yesterday, “That’s impossible.” According to the official, demolition and evictions were progressing smoothly, and average compensation would be more like 50,000 yuan per square meter. Payment of compensation would shared by the Dongcheng District Government and the subway construction company.

However, despite official optimism, some businesses within the demolition area are showing no signs of closing, and media reports have indicated that evictions are not going to plan. According to People’s Daily Online, 20 occupants are yet to reach agreements over compensation. The report goes on to claim that the authorities, having entered into negotiations, may begin to forcibly evict occupants that are demanding exorbitant levels of compensation.

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On a happier note, The Peking Order would also like to wish Ned’s – an Australian bar located half way up Nanluoguxiang – a very happy 1st birthday! Close friends of this blog, the owners made the right decision when selecting the venue for Ned’s. If it was not for the fact that a deal to rent premises at the south end of the street fell through at the last minute, tonight’s anniversary party could well have been the final piss up before the bulldozers roll in!

Order of the Day: Tortoise knocks girl senseless

2009-07-22T23:16:00.007+08:00

A "shell-shocked" girl has lost her memory after being hit on the head by a pregnant tortoise, reads an article in today’s Sun newspaper.

Unsuspecting Chengcheng was struck by the 3lb creature as she walked with her aunt in Chongqing, central China.

The 12-year-old girl [pictured right], was knocked unconscious and left with a deep gash wound across her head.

The tortoise [pictured above] survived the initial fall but after laying several eggs, died from its injuries.

"Given the force of the blow," said a police spokesman, "this tortoise, which weighed 3lbs, must have been thrown from a reasonable height and we have questioned 16 flat owners, all of whom have denied responsibility."

The injured girl's father, Liu Xingbing, said: "I am furious at this irresponsible behaviour."

Beij 3: There ain't no rack in the Union Jack

2009-07-21T20:50:00.009+08:00

Beij 3 is back! And this time with even more tenuous reasons than ever to put pictures of beautiful women on The Peking Order. For an attempted justification of why I feel it necessary to share this material with my readers, please refer to some earlier Beij 3 girls.

Without further ado, it is my pleasure to introduce Yi Li (依力), who almost jumped out of my brand-new July edition of Chinese Maxim:

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And the reason for Miss Yi's appearance in the The Peking Order? The title of this entry - a sexist play on the words of a popular British racist chant - came to me as soon as I saw this two-page spread. I couldn't resist sharing it.

On the Webb: Critic loses face...

2009-07-20T20:39:00.006+08:00

...or should that be, "Face loses critic?"

“Face” is the name of the latest restaurant that was unlucky enough to be reviewed by yours truly. Like many restaurants in Beijing, the food is average and overpriced.

A website that I review(ed) for, however, will tell you a different story.

In its bid to “monetize,” BestFoodinChina crudely cuts out negative comments on reviews of restaurants that are potential buyers of advertising. This is how I summed up Face:

“Average-to-good Thai food in an environment that is comfortable enough to justify the large bill. Perhaps this could be called “Face value”.”

The following paragraph was also given short shrift:

“If I were hungrier - it was only a little past midday – I might have been a bit more positive about what came next, a platter of Thai appetizers. This dish reminded me of something you might buy in the frozen section of a western supermarket - it would be part of a range called something like “Taste of the Orient”. There was plenty of the obvious - spring rolls, fish cakes, prawn cakes – but what should have been delicate and flavoursome, was crude and oily.”

In addition to deleting the above, dozens of negative words were pulled and several incorrect corrections were made to my grammar and style. I wouldn’t recommend you do, but you can read the edited article here. As requested, the editor removed my name.

On the Webb: Syndicate Podcast

2009-07-19T19:08:00.006+08:00

According to the hosts - DJ Blackie and Co. - this is "A Monthlyish podcast that includes the biggest Drum and Bass tracks doing the damage on the scene in Beijing."

Download the latest version here:

http://mixes.jing-dnb.com/syndicate-podcast-12_jing-dnb.com.mp3

A perfect blog post

2009-07-13T22:43:00.006+08:00

Note that a nail has not been used where the diagonal strut meets the straining post, made possible by chiseling a neat(ish) hole, inside which fits a strut that has been cut to the correct angle so it lies flush with the post. Nails are a totally uncool way of constructing strainer assemblies like the one in the picture, they look ugly and cause the wood to split, which brings on rot.

I have not updated my blog for such a long time, partly because I have been in England, and partly because The Peking Order, along with all other Blogspot pages, Facebook and Twitter, is now unavailable in China. I am using a proxy server to write this; If you are in China, you are using a proxy to read this.

Now that I work for a trendy PR firm, I feel the need to upgrade my "new media" credentials. Check The Peking Order regularly, which I will update when possible, and look out for me on Twitter, which I am told is good.

On the Webb: Parkour in Beijing

2009-03-24T17:59:00.007+08:00

This is just one of the parkour videos posted on 56minus1.com. This mediocre montage was filmed in Beijing, however, home-grown free-runners appear to be doing their thing across China.

I was less than impressed with all of the videos. Personally, I was much more interested in the Chinese translation of parkour - 跑酷. Sounding similar to the original French word, the pinyin for these two characters is "pao ku." The word could be directly translated back into English as "run cool."

Beij 3: Perfume girl kicks up a stink

2009-03-22T20:23:00.014+08:00

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Perfume Girl (香水女生) will return to school next week, reported The Beijing News on Friday. This is the mundane conclusion of a story that involves Wang Tingting (王亭亭), a fourth-year German language student at Beijing Foreign Language Studies University (BFSU), and her criticism of China’s compulsory foreign language education.

"Buff Tingting"

On March 16th, Wang wrote that because of comments on her blog, which included criticism of China’s Ministry of Education (MOE), she had been forced by the university to quit her studies. While some have backed her criticism of the MOE and BFSU, many netizens have accused the girl of being interested purely in self-promotion - they smelled a rat, rather than perfume, and questioned why she would post so many photographs of herself on a blog entry about being kicked out of school.

The Peking Order, which takes an interest in both Chinese education and girls that look good in pink velour tracksuits, translated some of her blog to see if there is anything to her claims:

Zhao Benshan for Education Minister

In her first critical blog entry, Wang likened China’s Minister of Education to an “executioner with a stranglehold on human talent.” “Exam-based education, compulsory foreign language classes from elementary school, an inflexible college entrance exam system, and universities that do not allow transfer between departments,” she wrote, “are suppressing and destroying human talent.”

Wang went on to recommend Zhao Benshan (赵本山), a well-known Dongbei comedian, for the position of Education Minister. Unlike Zhao, who successfully popularised Dongbei dialect within 10 years, “the Ministry of Education is unable even to fully popularise Mandarin."

When Chinese people think of foreign languages, claimed Perfume Girl, the first thing people think of is not pleasure or fascination, it is “destroyed childhoods and the extreme study pressures of youth.”

Foreign languages depriving Chinese of the right to education

The next blog entry went on to complain that “foreign language study is depriving Chinese people of their right to education.” “Regardless of your interests or which direction you want to head in, whether it is history, Chinese, Chinese medicine, archaeology, foreign languages are a hellish gate that the you must pass through.” However talented someone might be at his or her own subject, she wrote, the talent will be choked out by an inadequate grasp of foreign languages.

Foreign languages holding Chinese people to ransom

In her final diatribe before claiming to be kicked out of university, Perfume Girl called on people to “abolish compulsory foreign language education.” This article describes how “foreign languages holding the lives of Chinese people to ransom,” how languages are emphasised at every stage of a young person’s development: from aged three, where “tiny souls are bewildered by foreign languages;” through to graduation where “spoken English, business English and all sorts of foreign language certification, are enough to stress anyone out.”

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Apart from a few nicely-written slogans and the amusing Zhao Benshan analogy, there is nothing special about these comments. Miss Wang’s blog entries are hardly objective criticisms, and like a lot of the Chinese articles I read, they lack logical reasoning and are not backed up with evidence. Her arguments could be summarised into two points: foreign language requirements might hold back those who would otherwise succeed in other subjects; and that many resent studying foreign languages in China.

Both might be acceptable evils if the current system was improving the level of English in China. However, if China's schools are making many unhappy and are stifling talent, then considering my experience of the English levels despite compulsory study, The Peking Order thinks that these complaints are legitimate and that it maybe about time for a drastic rethink of China's education system.

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According to a recent entry on Perfume Girl's blog, hackers have deleted all offending entries. Luckily, others have posted full copies of what she wrote:

Zhao Benshan for Education Minister (Chinese)
Foreign languages depriving Chinese of right to education (Chinese)
Foreign languages holding Chinese people to ransom (Chinese)

Films & TV: Mad about English

2009-03-14T21:44:00.005+08:00

Mad about English is an excellent documentary about the frenzied rush to learn English in Beijing before the Olympic Games. This film, which I watched last week, features lots of Chinese people struggling to speak English and lots of awkward foreigners struggling to understand them. Another highlight is the story of a Beijing taxi driver, which throws some light on the pre-Olympic "all taxi drivers will be sacked if they can't speak English" rumour.

I would like to see a follow-up documentary, which asks the stars of Mad about English if they thought it was all worth it. "Did they actually have any decent conversations?" "Are foreigners actually worth speaking to?" ...

On the Webb: Dog woman gives birth

2009-03-06T19:35:00.008+08:00

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"Freak of nature" to some, to others she is a "miracle," but to her tiny new-born babies, China's incredible dogwoman will be now known simply as "Mummy."

On the Webb: Jing Podcast No.10

2009-02-25T20:43:00.006+08:00

I love it when Beijing D&B promoters The Syndicate release their semi-regular mix-up. Music and mirth aside, posting a link to it on The Peking Order - a blog whose articles are getting longer but less frequent - buys me time while I think of something else to write.

Download it here.

More words on the street…

2009-02-23T11:14:00.004+08:00

…or should that be more words used badly on the Chinese streets?

The amount of English words that should be “mastered” as preparation for China’s college entrance English exam will “continue to increase steadily,” reads an article in yesterday's Beijing News.

The story quotes the recently released “2009 Examination Handbook” - essential reading for almost every 17-18 year-old Chinese high-school student, who sits the annual exam as a prerequisite for all undergraduate study in China. When the measure comes into effect, the students should prepare an extra 101 English words, raising the number of officially recommended words to 3500.

The Peking Order was unable to obtain a copy of the 2009 document. However, unofficial lists are likely to become available online as students upload transcribed copies of the vocab. To get an idea of the type of words on the 2009 list, I looked at the 2008 words, which can be viewed on various web forums. “Arbitrary,” “vacuum,” “undergo,” and “expenditure,” are a few of the harder words that I found.

Many who have used English to speak to certain Chinese people will doubt the ability of this measure to improve English literacy. I believe China’s education system, criticized for its emphasis on bleary-eyed rote learning, is partly to blame for the relatively poor English in China. Although following the examiner’s recent advice may aid comprehension of written English, I believe it will encourage memorising a greater number of more difficult words. This will come at the expense of time spent studying basic words, and, therefore, will do nothing to improve standards of written and spoken English communication in China.

In my opinion, it would be best to reduce the words on this list, and encourage studying the flexible usage of verbs like “to go” and “to be.” Due to differences between English and Chinese, namely a lack of verb conjugation in the latter, native Chinese speakers are not used to changing verb forms according the tense, subject, etc. Only after these basic words - and their conjugations - are correctly understood, should a student move on to more difficult words.

Considering that I have trouble using some of the words on the recommended list, for many Chinese high-school students under the current education system, there is not a hope in hell of being able to reproduce such difficult words accurately. An increase in recommended vocabulary is not, therefore, good news for China’s English. On the contrary, I suspect it will result in more words being used incorrectly, increased frustrations of foreign English teachers, and more misunderstandings between Chinese students of English and anyone who has genuinely mastered the English language.

On the Webb: Kids these days...

2009-02-16T10:19:00.010+08:00

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A girl I met at White Rabbit the other night managed to make me feel old by talking about the latest trendy music in Britain. While i'm probably too old for minimal techno and progressive house, although looking at the next two youngsters might make me feel uncomfortable, I am at least comforted by the fact that it is never too late to start smoking and father a child…

Although he probably looks more grown up than I do when I have a cigarette in my hand, this young chap from Sichuan is probably too young to have developed such a habit:

The adults in the video were much more impressed than most Chinese netizens, who reacted with predictable venom towards the parents of two-year-old boy.

Less predictable, however, was the online Chinese reaction my next youngster, Alfie Patten – a 13 year old from my home county of East Sussex:

Born in the very same hospital as yours truly, one-week-old baby Maisie has caused nothing less than a furore back at home. Repeated cries of “broken Britain” are abound, and familiar debates are underway surrounding issues such as sex education, abortion and provision of social welfare in the UK.

Interestingly, this story was also given some inches by the Chinese media. After reading a surprisingly lengthy article in The Beijing News I went online to see what the Chinese netizens thought of this...

Some comments fit with the commonly accepted view of a nationalistic Chinese online population. A user with the alias k11k12 on 163.com said:

“英国佬这下在全世界人面前丢尽了你们的绅士风度了吧，别以为你们怎样怎样，原来你们也是很一般的呵！”
"The world no longer sees you British men as gentlemen, don’t think you are this and that, there’s nothing special about you after all!”

Very few comments took this tone, I thought there would be much more. Instead, Chinese BBSs were dominated by some interesting discussion:

The first thing that shocked me was an unnatural amount of support for the young parents. On a range of sites, countless people wrote “牛” and “厉害,” both of which could be translated as “cool.” I suppose a failing society thousands of miles away is nothing to worry about for the Chinese, many of whom would just think faraway teenage parenthood to be nothing more than a quirky novelty.
Many doubt the authenticity of the news article. Multiple comments were similar this one by 钟祥人在东莞 on youku.com: “疑强烈质疑” - “[I] question this, strongly question this.” Perhaps this points to a lack of trust in the Chinese (or British) media? .
On the other hand, people’s suspicion could also stem from insufficient understanding of human reproduction. This might be why many commentators have said things like “Surely it’s fake, people that young can’t have children.”

Pekonomics - Stats Beijing!

2009-02-08T23:20:00.004+08:00

Record numbers are unemployed back home and Chinese jobseekers face stability-threatening tough times here in China. Yet far from the “real world,” certain foreigners in Beijing have never had any problems finding gainful employ. Perhaps, that is, until now…

These foreigners, sometimes referred to using the hideous term “halfpats,” make a living doing things that Chinese staff cannot do, but that do not require special experience or qualifications. Since many have questionable legal status in Beijing, their strange economy is seldom analysed. However, attempting to do just that, The Peking Order took a trip back in time using the Wayback Machine - an online archive which stores websites as they appeared at certain times throughout digital history.

theBeijinger.com is the first place any foreign ESL teacher looks for a school or some rich private students, where average-looking people find modelling work, and where it would be possible for even someone as awkward as me to find a job as an actor. I have heard that even "real jobs" can be found at this one-stop shop. So, what better economic indicator could there be than the number of job ads in their classifieds section?

Although archived entries for theBeijinger go no further back than late 2007, just comparing the amount of job ads last week with the amount last year is, to some extent, instructive.

On Jan 29, 2009, there were 512 adverts filed under "Employment Available." Exactly one year ago, there were 1106 jobs under the equivalent category. Over the course of a year, the amount of jobs that can be viewed on Beijing's premiere foreigner classifieds site fell a whopping 53.7%.

Freakonomics - an economics book for people that don’t read books - reminds us that there is a different side to every statistic. Applying Pekonomics, "less people using theBeijinger" or "shorter storage period for ads” are possible reasons, as likely as they are boring, that no conclusions can be drawn from this figure alone.

However, if we compare this pair of numbers with another pair, a pair that is likely to be equally affected by outside factors, my analysis may be more enlightening. I looked at the number of adverts posted by people seeking jobs. If there had been noticeable negative changes to Beijing’s foreigner job market, we might expect this number to have shot up.

No such luck. At the end of January of this year, 365 adverts were posted by people looking for jobs. At the same time last year, there were 548 adverts. This also represents a fall, this time of 34%. Falls in both figures suggest that discrepancies were largely caused by something other than the global economic downturn. I have displayed the results of my obsessive calculations in the following chart:

However, the fact that the two figures did not fallen at the same rate shows that there may still be something to conclude from my time-consuming endeavour…

On Jan 29, 2008, for every 1 advert placed to seek a job, there was a little over 2 adverts for available jobs. At the same time this year, for every 1 advert placed to seek a job, there were just 1.4 adverts for available jobs. So, less job ads per job-seeking ads might mean, after all, that less of these types of job are available in Beijing, that there are more foreigners seeking this type of work, or a bit of both.

So, if “halfpat” foreigners are facing tougher times, what might this mean? Well, fewer drinks might be sold in Kai bar, fewer in-joke t-shirts might be bought in Nanluoguxiang, and maybe even Annie's delivery will start receiving less phone calls. A more positive way of looking at it, however, is that for the time being it is more likely that Beijing will benefit from more qualified English teachers, better-looking models, and some foreign actors with a bit more stage presence.

Of course, any of this to hold any real significance, much more rigorous statistical analysis would have to be carried out. However, in the same way that not all of us here are real teachers, actors or models, I am not a real statistician.

On the Webb: Have I got news for you

2009-02-05T15:07:00.002+08:00

Apologies for the brief blogging hiatus - I have been ill. Nothing too serious, just serious enough to prevent me concentrating on anything but DVDs of Dirty Sexy Money Series Two.

The following is a clip that was shown on Tianjin TV to introduce its Spring Festival show. According to Danwei, the video is "poking fun at the stodgy image of state television." I was disappointed that, just like my latest DVD boxed set, the clip gets a bit too "wacky" towards the end. However, it came as news to me that such subtle - almost subversive - comedy airs on Chinese TV. I didn't think they had it in them.

Chinese coverage of inaugural address

2009-01-21T23:36:00.002+08:00

In China, bad reporting of yesterday's presidential inaugural address was not limited to CCTV’s censorship of its live footage (read more). When The Beijing News landed on my doorstep this morning, I found my very own piece of irresponsible Chinese coverage...
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The major daily newspaper gave a short summary of the 20-minute speech on page 23 (find an online copy of the original here). Unsurprisingly, the article emphasises the problems currently faced by the US, as they were mentioned by the President. After listing America's woes - with glee perhaps, the following analysis is given:

奥巴马一方面呼吁民众团结起来，坚定信念。另一方面，也要求民众降低期待。他指出，美国下一代人应该降低期待。

Rather that write nice English, for the sake of clarity my translation attempt deliberately matches the vague and repetitive nature of the original Chinese, almost word for word:

On one hand, Obama appealed to citizens to unite and stick to their beliefs. On the other hand, he also required that citizens lower their expectations. He pointed out that the next generation of Americans should lower their expectations.

Anyone who understood the speech will know that Obama did not mean this at all. However, more infuriating is that this is probably a misunderstanding, deliberate or otherwise, of the following words, as spoken yesterday by the US President:

Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that America’s decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.

Here, the newly-inaugurated president did not say that anyone should lower their sights. Many Chinese translators - this mistake can be been found all over the Internet - do not seem to grasp that the need to "lower sights" is part of the "nagging fear," something which Obama, given the context of the full speech, went on to explain away as a mistaken fear.
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I am not particularly pro-Obama and I was never particularly anti-Bush. However, even coming from Britain, a place where anti-American feeling has been very fashionable over the last few years, BBC Online's uncensored footage of yesterday's address made me feel a lot closer to the United States. It is a scandal that in China there has been such irresponsible coverage of a speech that might otherwise have done the same for millions of ordinary Chinese people.

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I have been Ba-racking my brains to come up with a suitable headline for this entry - perhaps the above rant has tired me out a little too much. For anyone that comes to expect fantastic wordplay from The Peking Order, how about this gem from Xiamen Economic Daily, which ran the headline "White House, Dark Horse" (白宫黑马).

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Danwei, which alerted me to the pun, explains:

The headline puns on new president's last name and race: the last syllable of the Chinese transliteration of Obama is "马" which means horse, and the "black" obviously refers to his skin color.
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"黑马" ("literally black horse") means the same as the English expression "dark horse". It may be coincidence, but the "dark horse" headline is quite telling about the general response of the Chinese public to Obama's seemingly surprising ascendancy.

On the Webb: Jing Podcast

2009-01-20T11:11:00.002+08:00

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Click here for this month's Syndicate Drum & Bass podcast.

Scrimp my bedroom

2009-01-15T10:24:00.000+08:00

Here's the link to the Timeout article I promised. Turn to the property section on pages 30 to 31 to see how my room went from "dingy" to "dashing."

For the record, I did not say "I'm now not embarrassed to bring anyone back here," and I am not a "cash-strapped student." The room is certainly 500 yuan better, but i'm afraid it would take a lot more to sort this dump out - I am still embarassed to bring anyone back here.

On the Webb: Sexy Peking

2009-01-09T17:14:00.005+08:00

Sexy Beijing is an online TV show that roams Beijing in search of answers to questions loosely based around love, dating and women's issues. The popular program is heavily based around the "Carrie Bradshaw" concept - a single girl looking for love in the big city, right down to the theme music and "so I started wondering..." voice overs.

The American host Su Fei, known to many by her English name Anna Loewenberg, has a good presenting style and asks good questions that I would be too embarassed to ask.

This episode, which asks "how do migrants find love in the big city," features embarassed workers, topless in the Beijing summer heat. It was clearly filmed a long time ago. Although it is kept light hearted, maybe the fact that it touches on the plight of lonely migrants, meant that Su Fei struggled to get this one published.

Beij 3: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Cameraman

2009-01-06T19:15:00.011+08:00

In China's latest "sexy photo scandal," topless photographs of 29-year-old Zhang Ziyi are doing the rounds on the Chinese Internet. The pictures were taken while the Chinese actress was sunbathing recently in St. Barts with her fiance Aviv Nevo, an Isreali venture capitalist.
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The full set of 81 images can be viewed at X17 Galleries, where some of the more saucy snaps reveal a great deal more of the starlet's collapsible frame.

The photographs have caused outrage among mainland Chinese netizens who are clearly not familiar with the ruthless traditions of the Western paparazzi. Needless to say, furious online commentary has ensued. Below are two of the more extreme comments that I found, each is a very different way of looking at the relatively innocuous photos. I am far more sympathetic to one than the other:

ugly whtie people with thick body hair and stink smell. urghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Posted by: 大葱炒韭菜from 天涯社区

give me one minute with this hoe, and i would have my nuts in her guts.
Posted by: Anonymous

On the Webb: Chinese English Gentleman

2009-01-05T19:41:00.004+08:00

Dressed in his immaculate Saville Row suit, relaxing by the fire in his ornate living room and sipping Earl Grey tea in a Wedgewood cup, this is a new face of China's super rich... Read full article.

This Sky News story is a short profile about Chinese tycoon, Liu Jia, and his love for all things England. Explaining why his son attends an English boarding school, Mr Liu says, "In England they teach their children to become gentleman, not like children from other countries". Little does he know...

Employment reaching critical levels...

2008-12-30T19:41:00.014+08:00

Today's post has nothing to do with my recent inability to earn money. The headline is in fact a reference to one of my side projects: writing reviews about Beijing's top restaurants. For many of those that know me as someone who needs to be told when something was salty or had too much garlic, news about this tasty endeavour may be somewhat difficult to swallow.

The reviews I have been writing over the last few months are for the website, BestFoodinChina. Although the work is unpaid, it is good experience and the lavish free meals that I eat once a week make a nice change from my financial-crisis staple: eight yuan (80p) fried rice.

Although the current website leaves much to be desired, one thing BFIC can be credited for is that it has a regular column in China's major English-language newspaper, the China Daily. Here are a couple of my reviews that were posted on their website:

Honzen – more than raw talent...

The restaurants of large hotels can be peculiar environments, sometimes with disappointing and over-priced food. Yet, discreetly tucked away from the over-bearing marble lobby of the Kempinski Hotel, the Japanese restaurant Honzen has little of the unmistakable and unsettling transient atmosphere that permeates many hotel-based eateries; there is also none of the complacency that you might find in a chef who knows that... Read more

LAN Club - a Starke contrast

Danny Wang was not the first to feel it his “duty” to introduce Chinese food to the West. However, as owner of this restaurant, he was perhaps among the first to successfully locate the less-than-original “traditional meets fashionable, Chinese meets foreign” dining experience in such original surroundings.

Welcome to LAN Club - the 6000 square metres of curious opulence that stretches between... Read more

On the Webb: Yellow Fever

2008-12-28T00:05:00.000+08:00

With over 1.5 million views, readers of The Peking Order are hardly getting the scoop of the century with Youtube sensation "Yellow Fever". However, seeing as this video had evaded my attention for so long, maybe there are some others who are yet to see it. If TPO readers suspend their dislike for obvious American humour for long enough, they are certain to find it amusing.

Beij 3: Kappa slapper

2008-12-23T22:24:00.008+08:00

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“Kappa slapper” was a phrase used to describe a girl who, taking advantage of cut-priced Kappa clothing in Britain during the mid-nineties, would stand around on street corners causing trouble while dressed head to toe in the gaudy tracksuits.

Miss Huang – 太黄…

The expression quickly dropped out of common usage when the brand, forever sullied by its association with promiscuous and often ugly girls, lost all its credibility in the British Isles.

Now, a decade later, as far away as China, no sooner has Kappa begun its Asian marketing strategy, a female of questionable character looks set once again to destroy the image of the sportswear manufacturer.

A couple of months ago, Miss Huang was fired from a Kappa outlet in Shanghai when it was discovered that the 12-minute-long sex video that she had uploaded of herself and a partner had been spread on the Chinese Internet.

Things were to get worse for the girl when she was arrested last Friday. Police are quoted in a report by The China Daily, as saying she had set up a blog in a bid to "profit from her notoriety by offering advertising space and interviews in exchange for cash”.

Following this incredible bust, The Peking Order is in no doubt that the Chinese porn police are currently working hard to remove the clip from the Internet.

Darling buds of mei

2008-12-20T15:55:00.003+08:00

On Friday, a leading Beijing newspaper, The Beijing News, named actress Zhang Ziyi as the most beautiful person in China, 2008.

Public appeals by the 29 year old to raise money for the Sichuan Earthquake relief effort might have had something to do with her ability to garner the public vote, especially considering that many Chinese people have never rated Zhang Ziyi very highly.

Zhang’s beauty is a topic of conversation often endured by foreigners in China. Many Chinese people seem to find it incredible that the actress has been able to win such Western acclaim. “According to Chinese standards of beauty”, I am often told, “Zhang Ziyi is not that beautiful”. This tedious topic ranks just below enthusiastic explanations that “Chinese is the hardest language in the world” and “Sichuanese food is very spicy”.

Last year's winner was the actor Huang Xiaoming. Perhaps the fact that Huang is not among the 50 names on this year's list will bring strange comfort to his embittered former English teacher.

2008-12-14T23:49:00.017+08:00

Foreign-based readers of The Peking Order are to be kept in the dark no longer! Below are two videos that, because they were posted via Chinese video-sharing sites, were inaccessible outside of the "Great Firewall".

This might amuse anyone who knows about a certain song that was stuck in my head for the last couple of years. Thankfully that neurotic symptom is starting to clear up...

To read an explanation of the following video, click here. The three fish are still alive and have grown on me somewhat.

Changing colour clique - they see me rollering...

2008-12-12T10:46:00.012+08:00

The expression "having the painters in" has taken on new significance when it came to my relationship with a certain girl over the last week. No, this is not a crude joke... more a crude paint job.

For how to do a fantastic decoration job for under 500 yuan, be sure not to miss next month's Timeout.

On the Webb: Drums, Bass, and JINGle bells

2008-12-11T10:39:00.002+08:00

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Click here to download the final Syndicate D&B podcast to be released before Christmas - a period when Blackie, along with most of my Beijing friends, will bugger off back to England.

"Because Junglists love a Christmas carol too".

Beij 3: Eunis Yao-zer!!

2008-12-08T23:55:00.010+08:00

Grace Cheung handed over the title of Miss Asia to 23-year-old Eunis Yao at the award ceremony for the 2008 Miss Asia Pageant, held by Asia Television Limited in Hong Kong on Sunday.

Miss Asia 2008 flanked by runners up, Belinda Yan and Lene Lai

With 137,610 public votes, Yao snatched the prize from her Canadian-Chinese rival Belinda Yan, who, according to The People’s Daily, was close behind with 129,416 votes. The old-fashioned paper also mentions that by “selling her flesh”, Eunis, who measures in at 34-24-35, also won the award for perfect figure. Upon being crowned, the winner exclaimed: “Since I thought I would be knocked out during the earlier stages, I didn’t have high hopes on entering”.

23-year-old Eunis Yao, Hong Kong

The Peking Order is considering publishing a retrospective of what has been a whirlwind year for the 2007 winner, Grace Cheung (pictured below). It is unlikely that the Hong Kong student dreamed of such stardom when she shared a flat with this blogger back in 2005.

Putting the "grace" in Disgraceful

Does this make me any Lhas-a man?

2008-11-29T11:21:00.010+08:00

On Thursday, The People's Daily posted the following article on their English-language website:

Improvements made to Tibetan civilian residential housing

In recent years, central government has invested a total of 120 million yuan, and has finished renovating 67 dilapidated courtyards in the old part of Lhasa. The total area covers 140 thousand square-meters, and reconstruction has greatly improved the housing conditions of 2,668 households. Read the rest here.

Great news! And as one of the people behind this, I hope it's all true.

Now a week into my new job - translating, editing, and double-checking People's Daily and CCTV articles to be published on their respective websites - this is the first piece that I have dealt with that could be construed as being propaganda.

For this article, I was responsible for the third stage - double-checking to make sure that there are no inconsistencies with the original Chinese. One thing I questioned was a word in the first sentence: “国家 guojia” - which had originally been translated as "government". Literally, the word means "country" but translating the word in this way could be a tacit admission that Tibet more than just an autonomous region. However, I thought that by simply leaving it as "government", it could still be confused as being a regional government investment, so I suggested "national government". After some discussion, the phrase "central government" was decided upon.

On the Webb: Dan-NO-wei!

2008-11-25T19:05:00.014+08:00

The Peking Order worries that some of the readers of Danwei.org - the indispensable online guide to China's media - are not as intelligent as the people behind the popular website.

Danwei recently posted the following audio recording of a Chinese telephone operator of a Shanghai food delivery business being berated by an angry American customer:

Just as entertaining as the recording are the comments left on this usually high-brow website. Many are no more than idiotic anti-American rants. Take, for example, this wisecrack from Mr Sweden:

Typical American! He wanted extra burger for the same price so he could be even more FAT. Eat less you wankers.

And people criticise Chinese online opinion for being small-minded!

However, most suprising was that not one of the hundred people who left comments raised suspicions that this could be a hoax - a clever piece of viral marketing on behalf of the restaurant mentioned in the clip. This is why The Peking Order smelled a rat:

While the names of the beleaguered employee and the company she works for are removed, Blue Frog's name is mentioned three times very clearly.
If I was either of those two people my voice would falter. The customer is speaking loudly but he hardly loses his composure, something you might expect from such a man. Likewise, the girl sounds quiet but she seems a little too cool considering the nature of the abuse she is receiving.
Do food delivery places actually record conversations? And if so, would they really disclose them to the public, especially considering that it is such a harsh critique on their service and is an unfavourable comparison to one of their competitors?

What do the discerning readers of The Peking Order think? We are awaiting a response from Danwei as to the source of this suspicious recording.

Beij 3: Chen Yi

2008-11-24T12:43:00.007+08:00

gWhoar-qi

Former Supergirl hopeful Chen Yi (陈怡) caused a splash when she recently posed in a swimsuit for a Japanese version of Playboy. Angry Chinese netizens believe that by draping herself over the flags of Japan and China, the Chinese 21-year old is insulting her motherland. Chinasmack translates the best of the commentary here.

This is not the first time a Chinese celebrity has run into trouble over questionable use of national flags. In 2001, Chinese actress Zhao Wei took the controversial step of wearing a dress depicting the Japanese military flag for a fashion shoot in a Japanese magazine. Readers of The Peking Order will also remember Yi Yanlin's political statement earlier this month when the Taiwanese model choose to wear a dress bearing both the flag of the PRC and the ROC.

The Peking Order regrets that, even after some thought, it was unable find a tasteful way to use the word "nips" in today's entry.

Beijing Downloads - Can you be podcArsed?

2008-11-21T20:58:00.007+08:00

Right-click here to listen to the latest from Beijing drum & bass aficionados The Syndicate.

According to the crew, this monthly podcast "includes the biggest Drum and Bass tracks doing the damage on the scene in Beijing". Unqualified to comment on the musical content, The Peking Order takes their word for it.

However, I am able, at the very least, to pass judgement on DJ Blackie's little gem, "Goldie-dust". What better than to use TPO-style wordplay to describe Goldie's 4-hour set at Yugongyishan a couple of weeks ago?

Daddy Long Legs!

2008-11-19T10:35:00.012+08:00

Sheng le HIGH-zi!

The world's tallest man has become the world's tallest dad. Bao Xishun, who stands at 7ft 9ins tall, became a father last month. The first pictures of the proud dad cradling baby Tianyou - a normal 22 inches in length - were released today by The Sun.

A moving story indeed. But not as moving, perhaps, as his famous dolphin rescue back in 2006. Lucky for the aquarium, whose vets have only arms of average length, Mr Bao was on hand to remove some plastic that was stuck deep down in this poor creature's stomach.

Inside Joke: And you thought VICS was "long"...

2008-11-17T20:36:00.010+08:00

I have often wondered how Beijing's nightclubs would get on in Britain. With a name like this, the club I noticed this morning would struggle to be taken seriously, at least among the London youth.

If you thought that longting was just a karaoke club outside Beijing's third ring road then your London slang is probably not up to scratch. Find useful definitions in The Urban Dictionary.

The China Petroleum Equipment and Technology Exhibition – a crude joke!

2008-11-15T17:54:00.001+08:00

Experts or ex-pats?

The 2008 China International Petroleum Equipment and Technology Exhibition concluded last Friday in the eastern city of Dongying. 3000 guests from over 40 countries attended and everything appeared to run smoothly. Yet the majority of the foreign delegates were hired just to make the event look "international". Among the 200 fake delegates was Jez Webb, The Peking Order’s energy correspondent.

Most guests had responded to an ad on theBeijinger.com with the curious title: “Free trip to Shandong, 200 foreign visitors invited (Be paid)”. We would, depending on our age, receive between 600 and 700 RMB (£60-70) for two days “work” – two 6 hour bus journeys to and from the city, full board in a luxury hotel and a couple of hours walking round an exhibition, pretending that we were involved in the petroleum industry.

For many, the 6am wake-up call had followed a heavy night in Dongying; free beer was supplied with our meal and 0546, the city’s main nightclub, had put on quite a show for its anticipated guests. So it was with non-renewed energy that most of us trudged around the exhibition hall accepting promotional material from enthusiastic sales representatives - all of whom blissfully unaware that none of us “delegates” knew our casing heads from our choke valves.

名骗：Hundreds of identical name cards were given to fake delegates; dozens of "Claytons" attended the event.

The whole city had been lied to. Roads were closed off and we were given police escort to ensure safe passage to and from the hotel. Crowds were addressed by leading provincial government figures as well as foreign leaders. The Dongying Daily - a paper so excited that it printed the front cover in full colour for the few days we were in town - also failed to smell a rat and reported on the success of the "ground-breaking event".

By the time the stall holders began scratching their heads over the fact that they had collected several identical business cards we had already begun the arduous bus ride back to Beijing.

------------------------------------------

Rather than arrange for real industry people to be flown in from around the world, the event organisers thought that 200 members of Beijing’s otherwise idle foreign population – a mixture of students and casual workers – would be enough to lend the exhibition the international quality it needed.

Can you tell a real delegate from a fake delegate? The bloke in the red helmet couldn’t.

How could the organisers get away with this? After all, a quick chat with any of the overseas “delegates” would have quickly revealed that something was amiss. However, the language and cultural barrier, especially without the help of any investigative reporting of the event, makes for a gullible Dongying. The exhibition was an example of Chinese people using foreign faces to trick other, more ignorant Chinese people. And unfortunately, as long as Chinese people are bad at English and in awe of the foreign face, this type of façade will continue to be put up throughout China.

Beij 3: Political Cleavage

2008-11-12T13:51:00.003+08:00

Was there something that Li Yanlin wanted to get off at her chest during yesterday's annual Taipei Audio Fair? The Taiwanese model, singer and actress believes that by wearing the flags of both the PRC and the ROC she was “representing world peace”, reports Zaobao.com.

Visits by high-level PRC leader Chen Yunlin to Taiwan earlier this month have led many to believe that cross-Strait relations are at their best since the bust up back in 1949. During the ground-breaking talks, the two parties agreed on increased direct flights, more maritime trade, postal services and cooperation in food safety.

Miss Li, who was apparently worried by all the media attention, told reporters “I have no political standpoint”. It seems that in two very different senses of the word, on closer inspection this 23 year-old 32B cup has struggled to pad out this rather empty political statement.

On the Webb: Shay-Oh-lin monk returns to London

2008-11-11T14:29:00.000+08:00

Does the peaceful warrior featured in this BBC report sound familiar?

In some ways, perhaps. But many who have been to Beijing, especially the bars of Sanlitun, will know that this was not the first North Londoner to "swap his urban lifestyle for that of the legendary warrior monks".

Beij 3: Sex Fest in China

2008-11-10T23:01:00.000+08:00

China became the butt of many jokes yesterday as the Sixth National Sexual Culture Festival got underway in the southern city of Guangdong.

Thong Kong: Crack photographers snap away models sporting the latest in Murena Lingerie, a well-known brand in the former British colony.

For many, the event's highlight was the lingerie show. It was amid roars and jeers, reports the People’s Daily Online, that the scantily-clad models strutted their stuff down the catwalk. Males in the front row were apparently not satisfied when models wore skirts; many lowered their heads for a better view while others simply resorted to sitting on the floor to get the best angles.

The audience was not always so enthusiastic. When models wore too much for someone's liking, the reporter heard the man yell: “I didn’t pay thirty yuan to watch this kind of show!”

Yesterday’s event will have come as a disappointment for not only those who hoped for a serious fashion exhibit. As the show descended into farce, scenes witnessed in Guangdong might also make bitter viewing for those who believe that China has developed into a society with more grown-up and modern attitudes to sex and nudity.

Panda to The Peking Order - Come on my Sun!

2008-11-10T18:46:00.000+08:00

The Peking Order was delighted to see that the following had been published today in British tabloid, The Sun. We think that by giving such treatment to Chinese stories, the newspaper has the right idea. However, one must wonder from which witty blog they took inspiration...

Hey, panda eyezzzzzzz
IT’S hard work being a panda cub – and these exhausted specimens can bearly keep their eyes open.
The cuddly characters curled up for fur-ty winks before feeding time at a busy breeding research centre.
Bosses at the base in Chengdu, South West China, hope to boost numbers of the endangered beast via artificial breeding techniques.
But this dozy lot were more interested in their bamboo-ty sleep.
After all, they wouldn’t want dark rings round their eyes.

If readers hadn't guessed, the photograph referred to by the article is of a group of sleeping panda cubs. Unfortunately the picture was not to be easily removed from the paper's website. It seems that The Sun is far more generous with its word play than they are their intellectual property.

Seeking Order: They've Scot to be joking!

2008-11-07T17:38:00.000+08:00

Teach English in a "wee bit o’ Scotland right in th’ midst o’ China" - the following caught ma eye a few days ago:

ARE YE A SCOT, or kin ye speak Engalish tae yer fine Scottish stan'arts? Do ye fancy some Neeps 'n' Tatties iver Sunday? If ye answered "Aye" ta a' thiz quistions, Yer Wee Mickle O' Engalish, a wee bit o' Auld Alba in Suzhou, Jiangsu, China, seeks ta engage sturdy and depen'able Engalish teachers! ... Read full advertisement.

Wee Mickle O'Engalish offers its Chinese clients English taught as spoken in Scotland as well as full immersion in Scottish culture.

It looks like a fascinating place. However, some might be offended by their controversial equal opportunities policy. Three photos indicate those people who need not apply: the sort that attend music festivals, sex tourists and homosexual men. According to the website, this school "wuld nae hire such pairsons tae guard dead cats"!

周鱼 and his Strife Aquatic

2008-11-06T11:28:00.000+08:00

Last night I cleaned out the fish tank that was lying unused in my back garden and bought myself four fish. Before the water had settled, I was already beginning to regret my decision.

Not the first tank to appear in Tiananmen with disastrous consequences, my ugly aquarium claimed its first casualty last night. Meanwhile, its three remaining occupants continue to irritate their irresponsible owner. So before the others all end up down the bog, I thought I should put them on the blog.

Visitor numbers Peking at 1000?

2008-11-04T17:00:00.000+08:00

The Peking Order had not only Halloween to celebrate this past weekend. As this blog removed its “Freaking Order” costume on Monday, the number of visitors passed the 1000 mark. Of course, most of them are probably the blogs self-indulgent author, but I think this occasion warrants a glance back at some of the less successful hits, and a look forward to the blog’s future.

The Peking Order learned recently that its “dogged and determined” use of wordplay is sailing over the head of at least one person. One young lady, let’s call her “Miss Pun”, failed to smell something fishy when she saw the word “opportunarists”. This was no spelling mistake. Unlike Yan Xishan, the same person also failed to notice that the English title of this blog has two readings – take another look if this comes as news to you. The general rule is: If something looks odd, it is probably an example of my “deft yet distracting” use of puns.

I would forgive most of the readers for not getting The Peking Order’s Chinese name，京制 – I’m not even 100% sure myself that it works. If anyone has anything to say about this – please leave a comment. Perhaps Mr Yan would like to earn some extra “points” here?

This blog might one day prove that “political power can grow from the barrel of a pun”. Hopefully along with some collaborators, The Peking Order will give China the “tabloid” treatment – short, sharp and silly news articles placed daily alongside regular blog entries. If censorship can be avoided by posting only tongue-in-cheek re-writes of existing Chinese newspaper articles, who knows, The Peking Order might one day grow into a reliable expat news source in China.

Lower the Tone – Three Thirds make a...

2008-11-03T18:06:00.000+08:00

My “tone fetish” has reached all new lows. Anyone who does not share my perversion for the finer points of Mandarin should look away now.

I posted the following on theBeijinger:

How do you pronounce three third tones in a row? For example, for the name of Lu Xun's antihero, Kǒng Yǐjǐ - 孔乙己？

Mandarin learners know that when two third tones are together, the first becomes a second tone, and that if a third tone precedes a second tone, the tone is cut in half, only the first half being pronounced. Considering these two axioms here are three potential solutions:

Kong(half third) Yi(second)ji(third) - this seems like quite a mouthful.
Kong(second)Yi(third)ji(third) - in which case one rule is not being observed.
Two second tones followed by a whole third.

I even emailed John at Sinosplice with this query. As one of the voices behind Chinesepod, I consider him an expert. Neither him, nor the 57 readers of my forum post, replied. As well as proving that I have too much time on my hands, this lack of response demonstrates that mine is either a very stupid or a very difficult question. Either I have uncovered a contradiction inherent within the Chinese language, or, more likely: I have missed something.

If anyone, especially Chinese readers (write in Chinese or English) could shed some light on the subject, The Peking Order would be grateful for a comment.

Flats that take the pistol

2008-10-30T23:34:00.000+08:00

Tudor townhouses, Spanish villas and Bordeaux cottages are just some of the foreign styles aped by modern Chinese housing projects. However, the concept of importing "a bit of the West" is taken to new levels by a half-page advert in The Beijing News on Wednesday. Top Down - a brand new apartment complex coming to Beijing - seems to be emulating a very different aspect of foreign culture: Britain's gun crime and hoodie "plague".

"I'm not doing it for the money", read the large characters at the top. This, I think, is one of Top Down's guiding principles. However, I can't believe claims that this is a company owned by its workers, less still am I willing to believe that this is a not a profit-led venture. After all, would you trust the man in the advert?

Xiangshambles - Red leaves? Hong yeah right!

2008-10-29T15:59:00.000+08:00

“All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey”. Just the second point was confirmed by my visit to Xiangshan Park earlier this week.

According to an article in today’s Beijing Times, strong wind over the last few days has caused many of the leaves to fall prematurely in Xiangshan Park – Beijing’s number one spot to check out the reddening autumn leaves. Perhaps this explains why most of foliage that I saw was still green. “Once leaves turn red, they can’t stand up to strong wind” said a member of staff quoted in the paper; he goes on to remind travellers to get to Xiangshan as early as possible this year.

The Peking Order wouldn’t recommend that anyone hurries over to Xiangshan. An editorial published on Monday by the same newspaper raises similar concerns and describes the strain placed on these famous “red leaf spots” – on Saturday alone 80,000 people descended on Xiangshan Park.

The editorial also points out that this coming weekend is likely to see a peak in the number of tourists. Could it get any busier than it was on Monday? That day I saw more tour group red hats than I did red leaves. It was a ghastly experience, one that I could endure for just half an hour.

My advice couldn’t be simpler: leaf this one out!

On the Webb: Yu gotta be kidding!

2008-10-28T02:00:00.000+08:00

Police in Zhejiang received reports early on Sunday morning that something very fishy had taken plaice on Hangjin motorway - a lorry had overturned, emptying its entire contents onto the highway. In what turned out to be a clean-up operation of some scale, authorities were assisted by locals who were more than happy to bag their portion of the driver's slippery load - 19 tons of live Crucian Carp.

Even funnier, perhaps, than the thousands of flopping fish is the embarrassment of the fish-snatching villagers. Someone should have told the opportunarists: "With so much carp around, there's no need to be Koi!"

Taken for a ride

2008-10-28T01:22:00.000+08:00

Police in Shanghai detained a man last week for pretending to be a foreigner in a bid to avoid a whopping 2000 RMB (£185) taxi fare, the Shanghai Evening Post reports.

The passenger - a Chinese man who could apparently pass for a European - took a cab from Guangzhou to Shanghai, a distance of approximately 1200km. Police were called after the man played dumb and refused to pay the fare - needless to say, it did not take long for them to discover his true identity.

According to the article, the man had succeeded on previous occasions with the same scam. What luck, it begs the question, might an actual dumb foreigner have in pulling such a fiddle!?

This article also goes some way to answering the oft asked question, how far a cabbie in China would take you... "Shifu, dao Bo-ci-wa-na!"

Chairman Wow!

2008-10-24T22:02:00.000+08:00

Unlike Chairman Mao - who is quoted as saying "Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun - 枪杆子里面出政权" - The Peking Order believes that Political power can grow out of the barrel of a pun

Jeremy Webb - Tiananmen’s newest square

2008-10-23T17:13:00.000+08:00

(.)

Chinese people call it a two-level hutong house while Americans seem to insist on using the word Duplex. The English people I know might describe my new home as a small two-storey semi-detached house with a shared garden.

Mine is the door on the right. While a semi-detached house might be an over-the-top and somewhat misleading boast, this house couldn't be more different to my previous Beijing abodes. Unlike the towering tenements of my Peking past, surrounding buildings are just two storeys high, each with a small amount of outdoor space. However, just like Beijing's modern apartments and unlike authentic hutong housing, my place has decent plumbing, thick walls and a bathroom of its own.

Through the very-Chinese wooden doors is an open courtyard onto which face seven separate dwellings. Usually the elderly lady that lives opposite will be carefully tending to the central greenery while Liu and Leah - the two dogs that belong to a French couple in the courtyard - tear around the paved patio. On my way out I frequently bump into another neighbour, a friendly Chinese artist who is either taking his daughter Aidi to school or nipping back and forth from his nearby studio. The place next door remains vacant and I am yet to meet the occupants of the two other houses.

Above is a picture of the courtyard’s entrance. This is typical of the alleyways that make up the confusing criss-crossed chaos that occupies space between the Forbidden City and Wangfujing – Beijing’s main shopping area. I am somewhat disappointed to say that most of the houses in the area - described by a friend as a “Chinese Brookside” – were built within the last decade. Expensive housing for many Beijingers, these modern buildings took the place of some of Beijing's ancient hutongs which were torn down in what could be described as gentrification, Chinese style. And, it pains me slightly to say, I am part of it – albeit a very happy one.

The Gate of Heavenly Piss – closed to some

2008-10-22T17:07:00.000+08:00

(.)
Today’s Beijing News reports about controversy regarding a sign that hangs outside a lavatory door. It reads: “Workmen Strictly Forbidden to Enter”.

The toilet is for those that wander between the shops of Sanlitun Village – Beijing's lavish outdoor shopping mall that is home to Nike and Adidas stores as well as China’s first official Apple shop. According to one member of management, the toilet is there exclusively for the use of customers and explains that “the breeding of some of these workers is pretty low; they will only make the toilet dirty which will affect its use for our customers”.

I often wonder what it must be like for these men to see things so close, yet so far out of reach. In Sanlitun, such contradictions could not be more striking. The goods for sale in the very shops they build and decorate cost several times their monthly wage. Likewise, these migrant workers - tanned skin and dusty shoes, ripped trousers and bad teeth - would not attract a second glance from the young ladies that parade down the neighbouring bar strip. And now it seems these "have-nots", who are owed so much from China's capitalist revolution, must now be content not to piss alongside China's new generation of "haves".

Of course, “To get rich is glorious”. And sooner or later, like piss on pristine porcelain, wealth always trickles down, right?

Goldie-mocks and the Three Bears

2008-10-19T13:58:00.000+08:00

Drum & Bass pioneer Goldie will be appearing at Beijing's Yugong Yishan this coming Saturday.

In a related incident, The Peking Order has heard reports that one of the individuals handing out flyers for the event has been masquerading as the Drum and Bass legend himself. The young man, who bears little resemblance to the British DJ (pictured below), has capitalised on the fact the majority of Chinese have never heard of Goldie and think that all foreigners look alike. The drunken opportunist even accepted requests to sign the flyers.

The unscrupulous character in question is none other than yours truly. There was talk of me attending a dinner with Goldie and promoters, The Syndicate. How could I ever face the "Original B-Boy" now?

"Dimeless", perhaps. Which brings me to another piece of news - I am skint. The small pile of money on my table - about 1000 RMB - is all I have left in the world. I have emailed BARE job applications but my inbox still remains BARE; it seems that I have no choice but to grin and BEAR this period of austerity.

Also, I have yet to get the Internet at my 'yard - promised prolific blogging awaits broadband connection.

Films and TV: The Translation of Nanking

2008-10-13T14:12:00.000+08:00

Chinese subtitle writers – dodgy characters

Whoever was in charge of the Chinese subtitles on my fake version of Nanking might be forgiven for the extra adjectives sneaked in throughout this stirring account of Japan’s 1937 occupation of China’s former capital. However, by the time the film reaches its emphatic conclusion the translator seems to have lost it altogether - new meaning is given to the idea of putting words in somebody’s mouth.

In one such example, the Chinese characters appearing at the top of the screen tell a very different story to the actor's reading of English diary excerpts written by an American missionary stationed in Nanking at the time. His description of a Japanese man’s request to retract statements about what he saw of the atrocities is “translated” as the Japanese government’s denial of any wrongdoing in Nanking. He ends by saying: “[the Japanese man] intimated to me that it would be best if I did so [retract the statements].” Anyone relying on the Mandarin subtitles would have taken the kind-hearted missionary to have meant: “对我而言, 日本就是狗东西- If you ask me, Japan is a country of dogs”.

If the subtitling on our beloved pirate DVDs cannot be trusted, just what are we to believe in China?

Order of the day: Settling Down?

2008-10-12T15:28:00.000+08:00

I haven't written anything for ages because I haven't had the Internet and I have been stressed. I am moving house - the reason I have both been stressed and haven't had the Internet.

BAT an eyelid? In the last couple of days I started what should be a regular English teaching slot - two hours a week for 400 RMB (£33). Someone in our group of friends was offered the same job back in 2006. At the time the boy's father was an executive of British American Tobacco - controversy raged over whether it was ethical to get involved with someone who was responsible for selling as many cigarettes as possible to the Chinese. He deals with Hoovers now, I guess that sucks, only in a different way.

Over-attentive service staff. A few weeks ago, after seeing me discretely trying to pick my teeth in a bar, a waitress indiscretely passed me some toothpicks. This turned out to be no isolated incident: Last night a bar lady saw me idly picking a spot and brought over some tissues to clean up whatever mess might result from my public preening.

Rage against the maChinois. While the tissue incident was making me feel like a disgusting freak, the young Chinese moshers in a heavy metal concert – I was there to keep a friend company - were making me feel old. It was all a bit too Korny for me so I kept my mind on wordplay: Puns and Roses?

Whotong? I suppose the main thing on my mind has been sorting my house. However, since I am uncertain about my future there I will say no more about it - I have paid rent without signing anything. Speaking about it as my own place might just BeiJinx the whole thing.

As soon as I am settled down with a house with an Internet connection I will start writing more - stay tuned.

On the Webb:

2008-10-07T14:45:00.000+08:00

Fonejacker is nothing new and has nothing to do with Beijing, still, I had to put this up for a couple of people to see.

The Restraint of Beasts

2008-10-02T20:49:00.000+08:00

I have spent the last three weeks erecting fences on Brickfield Farm - the 35 acres near Brighton that I have lived on all my life. Where previous fencing had long since fallen into disrepair, I toiled to create two new paddocks: one around our pond and one beside the lean-to of our main barn.

Some before-and-afters:

Previously-restrained beasts:

As soon as I have fulfilled my Chinese dream (whatever that might be), I will return to England and start a fencing company - it will be called "Restraint of Beasts".

Films and TV: Lust, Caution

2008-09-25T04:15:00.000+08:00

My recommendations for films that Mandarin-learning laowai might otherwise have missed.

A spy thriller shot in wartime Shanghai, this was the first Chinese film that I have seen where I could not predict the ending. Lust, Caution is fantastic.

Also, meet my new obsession: Lust, Caution’s lead actress, Tang Wei. Even gratuitous hairy armpit shots of the tormented lead role – a girl caught up in a murder plot - failed to put me off this gorgeous and utterly convincing actress.

Admittedly, I didn’t know what was going on at first – a few rapid dialogues and conversations in both Shanghainese and Cantonese left several gaps in my understanding. However, after a while I had no trouble following the story.

Ask for 色，戒 Sè, Jiè. Chinese: Medium.

The words “Lust, Caution” are a pun, its meaning lost in its English translation and, horror of horrors, lost on me, in either language. "Se" means "colour" as well as "lust"; "Jie" means both "ring" and "caution". So, not only could the title mean "Lust, Caution", it could mean “coloured ring” - a reference to the diamond ring in the film.

Laowise - China's top 5 famous foreigners

2008-09-22T07:01:00.000+08:00

These modern-day Marcos and Matteos are fluent in Mandarin and would be recognised by most Chinese. However, do these familiar faces deserve their fame? Or is each one nothing more than a “filthy imperialist” - just another foreigner cashing in as the token white guy? For me, the jury is still out.

Dashan

It almost goes without saying that towering above all others is China’s biggest mountain: Mark Rowswell.

Dashan came to China with some Mandarin back in 1988. In that very same year, Rowswell shot to fame when he performed on the New Year Gala on CCTV. The sketch is not online but I found some of his other earlier work quite interesting:

Many laowai, particular those who speak Chinese but are not famous for it, have nothing but hate for this 43 year old. Call me a contrarian, but I feel compelled to come to Dashan's defense: Mark Rowswell is not trying to be cool and is good at what he does. And, and I expect that unlike many of his haters, rather than blurting out dreadful-but-confident Chinese, Dashan has learned to speak the language properly before opening his mouth.

Cao Cao

Next, meet Cao Cao. Jonathan Kos-Read came to China as a trained actor and after six years here now boasts that he has “acted in leading roles in over 25 prime-time Chinese TV shows and films, written several full-length original screen and teleplays in both English and Chinese, subtitled several Chinese films, assistant directed television shows and commercials and directed several short films”.

In my opinion, Dashan’s detractors should reserve at least some of their ire for this man. If the following clip is anything to go by, Kos-Read has chosen a fitting Chinese name - Cao Cao was known for his treachery:

Most likely, foreigners learning Chinese will have at some point been compared to someone on my list. Perhaps my issue with Kos-Read stems from the fact that he is the person that my Chinese is most often negatively compared to. Like Cao Cao, my Chinese name sounds identical to that of a character from the Three Kingdoms – Zhou Yu. However, the character for my “Yu” is different - it means stupid.

Ai Hua

The only female on my list, if Dashan was to rule over laowai China, Ai Hua would certainly be the first lady.

Like Dashan, Ai Hua has her critics: According to Yan Xishan, her Chinese name, which means “love China”, is the “most idiotic name ever taken by a laowai”, a name which reveals in its holder “a willingness to debase themselves for fame”.

Perhaps Great Warlord Yan would forgive a younger Ai Hua, she was a only little girl when she took this name. Ai Hua, or Charlotte McInnis, moved to China aged seven and began her illustrious TV and film career as a mere ten-year-old.

Da Long

Sometimes credited with bringing hip hop to Shanghai, Da Long launched a night with a marketing strategy he describes thus: “Get the hot women, and the hot men will follow”.

Da Long, aka. Andrew Ballen, now stands at the helm of a burgeoning media empire, has hosted radio shows, done voice-overs and forged multiple innovative marketing deals. Unfortunately, however, most Westerners will know Da Long for his cringe-worthy travel show on CCTV 9:

Jiefu

This traitor to the motherland - Jeff Locker to his American friends - is possibly Taiwan’s best answer to Dashan.

Unlike any of his mainland counterparts – Dashan could be labelled a sycophant to the Chinese authorities for having avoided any serious or sensitive discussion - the Taiwanese political climate has allowed Jiefu and others in Taiwan to make forays into political satire. Here he plays George Bush. The character - a regular appearance on Everybody Speaks Nonsense 全民大悶鍋 - was censored at one point, some say due to fears of upsetting the White House.

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With kids like this around – the sons and daughters expats, the days that laowai can attract any attention for their Mandarin skills are surely numbered…

Utopia: 桃花源记

2008-09-17T02:27:00.000+08:00

Throughout Chinese history, scholars and officials – people weary of social interaction and aware of the futility of human endeavour - would retire from towns and return to nature.

Hardly one to downplay the literary significance my own circumstances, I can relate to this. Not unlike Tao Qian 陶潜 – the pre-Tang poet who gave up a life of officialdom in exchange for a simple pastoral dream, I often feel torn between ambition and a desire to retreat into solicitude.

My progress in Beijing stymied by one of this summer’s less-convenient China visa runs – a £423 air ticket back to London, I have spent two weeks at home earning money on the farm to pay for a flight back to Peking. Fencing the paddocks round the pond and beside the main barn’s lean-to has kept me very busy, though very agreeably so.

Tao Qian's "Return to the Countryside":

种豆南山下

草盛豆苗稀

晨兴理荒秽

带月荷锄归

道狭草木长

夕露沾我衣

衣沾不足惜

但使愿无违

I sow my beans below the southern hills,
Though grasses flourish, the sprouting beans are scarce.
I rise at dawn to clear the wasteland up,
Beneath the moon I carry back my hoe.
The path is narrow, the trees and grass grown tall,
My clothes are dampened by the evening dew.
Yet dampened clothes are nothing to begrudge,
If only my desires can be fulfilled.

Films and TV: Two sets of Three Kingdoms

2008-09-14T04:48:00.000+08:00

My recommendations for films that Mandarin-learning laowai might have otherwise missed.

Released in 2008, these two da pian both describe events in the novel Three Kingdoms. However, similarities do not end there: I neither understood, nor enjoyed either film.

Hopefully I can be forgiven for not quite knowing what was going on: the dialogue is pretty classical. As for the makers of these two films, they should not be as easily let off the hook - in my opinion Three Kingdoms and Red Cliff are little more than spectacular wastes of money.

Red Cliff: 赤壁, Chìbì; Three Kingdoms: 三国之见龙卸甲，Sānguó zhī xiàn lóng xiè jiă

Chinese: DIFFICULT

Films and TV: CJ7

2008-09-13T02:42:00.000+08:00

The story of a poor migrant worker and his son and the chaos that ensues after the discovery of a bizarre alien "pet": CJ7.

The best thing about this film was that I understood the Chinese, easily.

As your DVD man for 长江七号; (Cháng Jiāng qī hào).

Chinese: EASY

On the Webb: 老外来了

2008-09-13T02:09:00.000+08:00

Someone needs to do a Borat type thing in China. This is the closest thing I have found so far.

I feel the same about 老外来了 as I do the BBC's Chuckle Brothers: I don't find them funny, but I respect their “craft”.

That’s not quite true, I laughed at the language misunderstandings … but that was only a smug titter - a pat on the back for knowing the correct tones! Pathetic.

On the Webb: Two Sidneys

2008-09-10T02:23:00.000+08:00

An incredible article. Check out the first comment.

Inside Joke: Let's make like a...

2008-09-04T12:52:00.000+08:00

I can't take all credit for this one... "Let's make like a huoche and chuqu"

Even Odder: 68.9% support continuation of even-odd rule

2008-09-03T17:44:00.000+08:00

Summary of a report (Chinese) by Zhu Kaiyun in The Beijing News.

Beijing residents are split over whether or not to continue with the odd-even number plate rule after the Olympic Games. Research carried out by Beijing Sunny-wise Consulting on behalf of The Beijing News on over 5000 Beijing Residents showed a 68.9% rate of support for the policy among respondents, with 19% percent in opposition and 12.1% not minding either way.

Since the policy was put into effect, 57.2% of respondents expressed that with less congestion, getting around is easier; 53.2% believed that air quality has improved; 44% thought that the amount of cars on the roads has decreased. At the same time, 18.6% believed that during the restrictions the amount of people on public buses has increased substantially, causing inconvenience.

75% of respondents claimed that their chosen method of transport is either public buses or subway, for 25.5% it is taxis, for 13.3% bicycles, for 8.5% travelling to work by car with a friend is the preferred option, while for 4.9% it is easiest to buy another car to use on alternate days.

The research suggests the following reasons for opposition: the odd-even rule reduces the value of owning a private car and is not fair on car owners (an opinion held by 69.8%); excessive crowding on buses and the subway (43.8%); increase in the time and cost of getting to work (37.9%).

Of those asked “If the restrictions are kept, how would you plan to get about in the future?”, 66.3% said they would opt for public transport, 18% would buy a second car, 16.5% would ride a bicycle, and nearly a tenth (9.9%) plan to try and keep using their car to get to work.

Liu Xiang: Hadn't you heard-ler?

2008-09-02T21:01:00.000+08:00

Olympics: Liu Xiang’s exit - should we have seen this coming?
By Jeremy Webb in Beijing
The front page of every one of Beijing's major newspapers today is dedicated to the Chinese 110-metre hurdler Liu Xiang - such is the disappointment over his dramatic departure from this year's Olympic Games.
All papers are in support of China's golden boy and his decision to withdraw from the race, and unlike some Western reports – which among other things suggest that the pressure of not winning the gold might have made him quit – Chinese newspapers attribute Liu's exit solely to his Achilles tendon injury.
For many people in China, the race yesterday must have come as a terrible shock. Just minutes before the disastrous event I spoke to Wang Jiali, a student from Hunan Province, "We're behind Liu Xiang; we know he can do it!" she said.
So why did Miss Wang and so many other Chinese not see this one coming?
At a press conference after the race, head coach of China's athletics team Feng Shuyong was asked... read more